my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. My ex was 16 years younger then me. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. Hello Will, 1. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. She apologies oh well. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. And I cook, shop for food, take care of dogs and have. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. But at 50 she started to loose interest and dry up. He does not have ED or any similar issue, wont see a therapist or talk about this, and he becomes angry and defensive if I bring up sex or hug him or show any affection. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Look, not to give your hubby a pass here, but please, understand that most men in our country, we who were raised in the 50s. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. When they stop they stop. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. I want that back in my life as well! Your story is very very simular to mine. Wake up. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. Addie So selfish and controlling . I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. After chemo and radiation, they put her on hormone suppression drugs, which reduced her libido a lot. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. Because then who leads? Amen. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. Spend the same time you are researching and pursuing prostitutesworking out and looking healthier and bettering your relationship. Be a fuckin man. Women want to be swept off their feet. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. The most affection I can show without her being irritated is spooning for a short period when were in bed Id better not move my hands to caress her! The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. Are there any people at all who have actually solved this any other way apart from no more proper sex or divorce? Jack- SHe aint lost brother. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. At least your wife gives you a hand job AND wants you to Cum on her tits! Hi Theresa, I might even know you, you sound just like someone I know. He will not talk about that either. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Please help. Whether male or female, each of us made a promise to love and honor our partners either through marriage or by living together. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. No human being should dominate another person. I love her. We have tried everything ( I mean everything ) but nothing seems to work and Im getting desperate! I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. He is a kind man and I love him. In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. My 76 year old husband has not. Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. Not only are you missing out on some fun in the bedroom, but most importantly, youre missing that intimate connection it creates with your wife. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. Hmmm. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. When your husband keeps getting fired and he sits on the computer all day and rarely does anything around the house but bitches and complains about this or that and he puts you down and calls you names. Its not always the woman who has no interest. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. Affection (hold hands, rub shoulders, tap butt, arm around shoulder, hugs, kisses, winks, that special look, etc), compliments, please, thank you, inside jokes, cheerleader, cleaning, cooking, repairs, child rearing, activities together, exercise together, etc will go a long way to leading to sex again. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). This is how civilizations are built. I do raise the issue with her from time to time. I think it is very selfish. Married 23 years. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. Additionally, she should see an endocrinologist who can check her thyroid. I am 66 and my wife is 62. It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. Then if you still have to, decide. Really connect. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. and possibly evil. She started losing interest when our children were youngshed be OK with sex once or twice a month, and only when she was in the mood. I retired early to get Medicare and redusece medical expenses. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. I realized that her life and passion are our girls (which she refers to as her girls). Ive tried to convey this, but without success. Someday I might take a sex vacation overseas. Do they shrink with age? Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. Hormones. Not fun! Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. Maybe I should start trying to ease my husband into this conversation because we have been having sex rarer and rarer these past few years. Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. Sigh . Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. 2. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. , motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. !, so we better act tough, ya know! Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! You can be in a marriage without sex. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. Blah blah blah. What Im getting from these posts is that woman dont even want to try alternative ways to fulfill their husbands. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. you probably love your husband, or at least the person he once was when you were first together. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! This is really excellent advice. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. I feel your frustration. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. I know this because that is what I do, but I have never been more unhappy in my life. I knew I had to do something. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. When we had our kids he was so mad because the babies got attention from me and thought when home they should take back stage. So I cheat. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. Makes me happy Im not married. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. Learn how your comment data is processed. But we didnt know what we had. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. I dont have a problem with a sexless marriage, in fact I created it in our marriage. 2. Then, let the pouting begin. Lets separate then.NO! When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? Hello Overit, We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. What r u holding on for?! Q. Menopause and hot flashes have taken my sex life away. I would leave and strive to take care of her financial needs until she is able to take care of herself or meets a man her age or older who is happy as a roommate. Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. * /* Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? Nope no sex. I have the sex drive I had when I was 20, and I feel like me again. The marriage is fine except for the sex. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. So to many they think Im faking it. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. What about the years of devotion? Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. My wife says shes convinced that my strong sex drive saved our marriage that got us through our in-laws, the deaths of 2 of our children, accidents, emergencies, seriou surgeries, any one of which could have destroyed us.