it's been 9 months since you passed away

The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. Im now looking forward to my next few months. I have wonderful family and I started going back to church after he died. I do not belong in this world anymore. He was another father/brother figure for me and we were inseparable. 1st 6 months was a blur whilst I navigated other peoples concern and my childs own grief. I thank God daily for having given me 47yrs with such a great man. The one thing I found was when my mum passed I felt lonely even though there were people around me. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. We followed every possible treatment available, but to no availhis caner won out and I was left alone to face the future, to pick up the pieces and to move on with my new life. Its even worse cuz he was a body builder and him losing all his strength in front of me has devastated me h was so strong they it all. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. May God help us all. (Still not sure how I managed to give birth to 4 children!). The Lord is working on that companions heart as we speak, and that person is trying to prepare themselves for a crossroads convergence with your heart. It all seems pointless. You are with me. its been 18 months since i lost my mum. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. Synonyms for PASSED AWAY: fallen, gone, deceased, declining, departed, defunct, lifeless, deteriorating; Antonyms of PASSED AWAY: live, alive, living, existing . I had no idea how intense caregiving was until I went through it. We are still here because our mission here on earth is not complete. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life alone and I know my wife cant come back. Was told it would help. Allie, it has to get better. I dont mean always, but more often than I expect to. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. Just like so many of you who have graciously shared your journey here, when grief came, I too found myself unable to stand, lying on the floor and calling out his name, over and over again. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. The song comes five months after the artist's mother, Suzanne Olmstead, passed away in November 2021. If only I could land in some port, any port, perhaps I could find my footing again. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at OHare. To survive is just being alive- I am not living. Its been little over seven months. Grieving takes as long as it takes, dont set expectations, just let happen. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. You are in mourning feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. But I meet someone in March 2017 three months after my husband passed away. I pray I will soon be better. He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. Those who survive COVID-19 are often left with . She never gave up and her hope was as strong as ever. Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton. God bless. Our son, Kevin, died on January 28, 2017. There are a number of things you can do to help a grieving cat to overcome the loss. I know how you feel since I knew my husband 58 years and we were married just short of 56 yearsan eternity and he passed away Jan 2019. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. My baby girl passed away 6 months later. Many days feel worse than year one. We just live in two different places right now. What to do now with the time Im given and the people before me? Patti, I once went to a counselor because I was like you constantly talking about the situation to anyone that would listen. He died in my arms. Always butterflies. I think I just feel like I just dont care anymore. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, soyou had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited. I feel horrible. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. Wanting to die in order to join the loved one. Im beyond lost. Most people think i am handling everything well and going on with my life but behind what people see is a much differant person than what is on the outside.. there are a few people closest to me that i know see behind the curtains of my soul. In that, certain things will trigger moments of grief that did not occur in year one. I owe him everything and I decided that Ill be living a life dedicated to love in memory of him. Im 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we cant hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. It's been one month since my Mom has passed from her stage IV Lung Cancer. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. i feel like i am stronger than this, i know what i should be doing, but i find myself communicating by email, and everyone has gone back to living their life as they should. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. But I never did. You might even expect that of yourself. Hi Sharon I was her care giver, but now going on the second year, I still have so many regrets . Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. The meltdown has not yet come. My husband fought so hard for us. You move on , try to meet new people. I keep trying to get back into a life but I cry often. Its a reality that still blows my mind.hes not here but he should be, Im incomplete and trying to find the new me. Its somehow soothing to see some of my blurry thoughts in writing. Lost my husband of 46 years Aug 2019. I went back to work on March 25th not long after his passing because I kinda freaked out when there was no money coming in yet so back to work I went. People dont understand the loss. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? This has to get better and I know in He did this June 2017 so all 1st have passed but now is the hardest part for me. I feel like Im never going to have a good day again. Follow griever. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones. This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in shock even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness. We will all meet again in the end. As I approach the year anniversary and holiday season, I feel that the grief is worse then ever. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, I missed Mike so much and felt guilty for his death as I had felt I should have been more responsive to Mikes medical condition. Greg, Your note is now so, long ago place here. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. He had 8 siblings, which were a tremendous help while he was sick. These things help ME and every one is different but I would go completely mad if I didnt keep busy. So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. Only people whove dealt with a difficult loss can truly be empathetic and understanding. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. And every day I think about her. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. But was suppose to be ok. Every day is a challenge just to get through it. This makes me hurt even more I live now in constant prayer for my darling to be in the joyous comfort of our Father and Jesus and that when Father is ready, He will call me Home and reunite us together as He joined us together in 1980. Tried to find jobs, went on interviews but no call back. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. I hold his hand,calling his name tried to woke him up, then a nurse came to me and asked if I needed to call a priest, I was so shocked! I lost my 2 boys 2 years ago mike 37 april 20,2016 and chris september 20,2016 this year seeme like the shock and realization is comig back, My heart aches. The first 6 months I lost my faith and was very angry , then veering to its all pontless. For now, thats all were able to do. "How are you doing?". I am living in France and English is my second langue. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. What we never knew was how devastating being left behind could be and continues to be. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. My most often comment was I dont know how to do this. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. He has been gone for 15 months. I dont mean Im suicidal, but I feel like a rudderless ship being blown aimlessly about on an endless ocean. Please stay strong and know that youre not alone. I was only 49. Very sad. Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. Wish I was with my wife really. I have read your posts and want to share a couple discoveries that may help take the edge off your suffering and pain. We lived for each other and daily decisions are made with what he would have done. He was 70 years old. Home with you or where ever u. Everyone says things happen for a reason but I cant find a good reason, there is no good reason. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard. It has to get better it cant stay this hard always:-(. Im still waiting for the Universe show me the way. He passed suddenly 7-18-16, and I still cant believe he is gone. Well when we were together for about a year I decided to leave him because we argue a lot, jealousy and thoughts of cheating. I get it! I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. You can find all the information you need about this course at their website http://www.griefshare.org. My husband died suddenly, a little over two yrs ago. Some not so bad. We were married 60 years. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. Thats hard at 69 . Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. Not my own plan. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. I am short tempered and any direct insult toward me sets me off. I know you will make the right decision what to do about your future. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. I feel Im constantly stumbling through life on the edge of whats real and whats not. And I cant move on. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. I used to be the life of the party but that person is gone. They have kept me going. No shoulders left 2 lean on. My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of 2016. I have my cats but they are getting old too. I believe this is true. For those 7 years since you passed away I've missed your voice, your hugs, your laugh and your face. 2 likes. Year two, is called the wake up year. , Hi to group, i am exactly a year today of loosing my Beloved Husband, Yes its hard, you dont seem to have any time control, like lunch time dinner time bed time, i have spent this last year sleeping on the sofa, as like i said Time, why go to bed nobody else in the house, nobody saying bedtime, same for food, its not time for lunch nobody else in the house wants lunch, so you plod along, decorating and doing all the jobs my husband could not finish, keeps you going then you wonder why, then the grandkids call in for a sweet or somthing , and you plod on again and have a laugh gor a few moments, then the house is quiet, . Or 50 feet tall. I can barely cope. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. Perfect grades and many friends. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just cant see easier insight. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. These days are what made the memories so hard to deal with. I still cry for him. I found him within seconds. I do what I have to do in the house the rest of the time I lay in my bed. I cry when no one is home. I agree with you and everything you are saying. Im sure that everyone on here can relate to that moment. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. I am 76 and my health seems OK but mentally I am a wreck. I lost my husband 18 days before our 50th wedding anniversary. I feel so alone and just want to go home to him. He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. I am up and down. I found The Five Wishes online to be a friendly way to opening the discussion of dying. I cant shake images of her out of my head. Like trying to collect hundreds of acorns in your arms and they keep falling while you desperately try to hang on to each and every one. Checked in with my little nephew to see how he's been holding uphe told me that he wish he had more time with her. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. In other words, there was nothing they could do. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. My life really feels over. Life is not stagnant. And the griever may find themselves thinking, this isnt any easier. I used to look forward to this time of year but Im not there yet. Im on year four already and dealing with grieve again. longing to see them again. Ive been going to a grief counselor and its helped a lot but this feels like something I havent experienced yet. My family is great but they are grieving also. Ive had only two positive dreams about him since my passing and each were overwhelming in the realization that the weight of the grief had been temporarily lifted. I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you. I have pictures of my late husband around the house I still miss him and so so loved him. Children are grown doing well, there are 12 grandchildren, 4 great grand children, and me . As if you couldnt have loved him or her as less than a mother or father or a wife. I wish the pain would subside more on some days than others. Im trying. Today is the one year mark of my fathers passing and i can honestly say im no closer today than a year ago to finding any relief from the heartache i have felt since he left us. Its not in my character, its not who I am. Such strength. Wish that it would get easier but its not because life right now it is so hard. Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. It seem to get relief then it always comes back around. Looking forward to days with joy again. Im so sorry for your lossyour grief appears to be a response to a great connection and therefore a great loss of companionship and love. words feeling the loss thats in my heart. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 2018 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later.I am struggling still so badly.I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet.I cry every day and so depressed and lonely.I just keep hoping and praying it will get better.We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end.I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt.Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better. My mind keeps going over all of the treatments and hospital stays and all the hopes we had of him getting better of no avail. One day we are shopping, and the next day Im dealing with his death. I show up for life but just get my body there. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. I miss him so much and find myself crying lots.I want him back and I know that its impossible. Sorry this is so long. I wasnt look for a new realationship I was coping . Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. It was such an intense time I was caring for her at nights and weekends and working full time during the day. I am done. I continue to struggle with that every single day. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. weight I lost prior to his death. But.. I have no one else in this world. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. Icantgo through another holiday without my family. Not only am I different from lossing my best friend, I am also different after taking all those pills. James, thats so weird what you said about feathersMy husband, a brilliant artist, died very suddenly last February a ruptured aorta just like his Dad and immediately in the garden wherever I was, were tiny, white feathers right near me. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. It seams harder now than the first year.I am always wondering will it ever be better or will life just be like this,just go through the motions.I lost a son 16 years ago my mother passed 5weeks before he did,I made it threw that but this so different,no (one can understand that),this hurt goes beyond that for me,does it ever get any better? How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves? When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. Time Flies Quotes. Im exactly where you are right now! I know how you feel. The second year was different clearer, with more good days. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. My faith and knowing I will be reunited with him one day keeps me strong. I can barely function and go on. And I dont apologise for these indulgences they are my medicine, my vitamins, my support. Such as giving a lot of her things away, doing things I enjoy and now because I have decided to move to Washington, which I currently live in Ft Worth Texas. I miss the closeness of my husband. Died. Going to church hurts, even though it is suppose to be a healing place, we spent a lot of time together up there. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. He was the most funny outgoing person in my life and I miss everything about him. I look so sad. This family maximum is determined as part of every Social Security benefit computation. Im working towards my PhD in Holistic health & nutrition, I run every day to keep depression at bay, practice yoga, lift weights, take walks, & I appreciate & thank God for good memories we had shared & the little beautiful moments I may experience each day, like a colorful sunset from my window or a whistling bird outside.