Amen. Exchange stories about your loved one. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. It may work for a coworker or friend who has lost their spouse. Visitors are also welcome during this period. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. 9. 10 () . It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. All rights reserved. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. Funeral Customs around the World - Eastern Europe Das, S. (n.d.). is the best and appropriate choice. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. I am sorry for your loss. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. Today is a sad day for us. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Good Thinking provides a range of resources to help Londoners improve their mental wellbeing. They sit in the first two rows on the left, and after the service they leave, two by two, preceding the casket. 12. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Introduction to Hindu Funerals. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. Loss is hard. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. The truth is, each family is unique, and a visitor will have little idea about the actual pains that the family went through to keep the person healthy and alive. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Eastern Orhtodox During the period before burial (three days after death), flowers may be sent to the funeral home. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. Various worldwide locations connote different customs and norms. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. 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Thanks. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. This link will open in a new window. They'll surely understand. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. Hindu Funeral Customs and Rituals - Legacy.com Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. Funeral Customs for Different Religions and Cultures | Teleflora On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. Hare Krishna. 2. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. I'm here for you." When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. You can see he wanted his family to live well for many generations. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. Here, the priest oversees every activity. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Visitors must realize that none of these questions would bring the person back; there is no second chance in death. Appropriate Days to visit the bereaved family 6. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. 4. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Where would she like the service to take place? Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. When Is The Right Time To Offer Condolences? | Everplans Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. Service animals are allowed. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. Share a toast. Hinduism and Bereavement | Good Thinking Some placement restrictions may apply. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. May she rest in peace. This link will open in a new window. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." 15. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. They can wear open-toe shoes. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Your mother had a happy death. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Shell never be forgotten. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. It is also appropriate in Hindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. During which time, the bereaved will recite prayers over the casket and place rice balls near the head of the body. (2020). Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). May he rest in peace. Do You Take Flowers to a Hindu Funeral? - Synonym Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. Talk to your friend's family. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Even though you're new to the neighborhood, your neighbor would likely appreciate your expression of sympathy. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. The choice of clothing should be made to show respect for the deceased and those grieving. 1. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. forms. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Atma is beyond space and time. Will it be a private or open service? May she rest in peace. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. A thoughtful gift which allows the name of the deceased to be mentioned will provide long-lasting comfort to the family. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. Think through how you truly feel about it. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. It's up to you. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. Visiting in Person | Condolences | eCondolence.com What rituals take place before someone dies? 4. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. Where would it be held? 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